so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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