I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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