Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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