You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
