If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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