I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
