wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
