i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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