good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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