He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
