She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
