so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
