Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
