I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
