Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
