I'm eating all of the evidence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
