mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
