What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
