Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
