$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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