he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize