She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
