Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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