i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
