She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
