This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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