First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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