The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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