just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
