four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
