I think my vagina is haunted
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
