i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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