you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
