It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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