hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
