i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
