Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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