Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We are all done wearing pants today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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