You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
