Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
