This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
