i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
