you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize