I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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