If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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