The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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