Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
