Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
