did you get engaged???
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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