you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
