I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
