...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my poor anus
its liver damage thursday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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