Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
