Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
