Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
