I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
