singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
