Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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