when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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