Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
