Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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