Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
