I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
