I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize