You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
