Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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