i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
