allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
