before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
