Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
