If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had to coat check the pizza.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
