Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then he peed in my hair
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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