Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
