my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I queefed so loud it echoed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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