Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize