If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
