so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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